How to kill a conversation?

Many people look at my surname & give up while they’re still behind. It’s pronounced ‘Pee-et-cha-kov-ski’ - it works better when you’re drunk.

What’s the best murdered spelling of your name you have come across??

Oh, the list is long & distinguished, not unlike the length of my actual surname, but the honor of the greatest dog’s breakfast that ANYONE’s ever come up with my surname, goes to an insurance company that addressed a letter to Pieter Zykowski - I mean, seriously, there are names more complicated than mine out there & they still look at my name like it’s a Christian & Surname all rolled into one - puh-leeze!